The subject of true love I think is something that we all wonder about from time to time, and I suppose for a few of us this happens maybe once or even twice in a life time if we are very fortunate. I know that love changes, or more to the point our idea of what love is changes. The secret to finding true love and to keep a happy relationship has to do with standards and values. Standards and values are what we learn to be appropriate behavior as we are growing to maturity. Well, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that we all have come to have our own standards and values in this day and age. The reasons for this phenomena are so varied and so plentiful that it would take a long time to list them all, however I may touch upon a few of them as we go along. Then again I may not.
When most of us think of love in the romantic sense, we think of marriage. In today's world, living together without marriage seems to be the excepted norm. On that note I will address this subject of love in the context of marriage. So, if you are living with someone, that would be like you are married. A marriage license is no replacement for what is felt in the heart. As a matter of fact it matters a damn as far as I'm concerned. Feelings of the heart far out weigh any piece of paper.
The first thing that comes to mind is the issue of trust. That is the basis for all relationships regardless of their nature. In a romantic relationship if both party's don't have trust then one or the other will be forced to exert some type of control, and with control you will have power struggles in which neither party will ever win and both party's loose. Consequently the relationship will be wedged apart because of hurt feeling that can never be resolved and the obvious outcome will be a failed relationship. Trust in the beginning and a clear understanding of what each of the participants in the relationship expect from one another equate to similar standards and values and that will result in a happier and longer lasting relationship.
When we are involved in most other types of relationships, be it a work, or institutional or even a organizational relationship we know what is expected of us and we know what we expect in return. Well, this is never more important than it is in a personal relationship. But yet we keep going into personal and romantic relationships with out the first attempt to establish what we expect from one another. So this is where we drop the first ball in the game. No other relationship in our lives will effect us more than a romantic one. For a man this can be crippling to the point that he may never recover.
However I will say that it is my personal belief that women do not have the ability to feel the loss like a man does when they loose their significant other. Women are so closely tied to all the different things in their life that they just don't quite miss the gap of their significant other the way a man misses his. not that women are void of emotional pain. A man loves in a pyramid, I mean that he places things in his life in a stack and usually his significant other is on the top of the stack. When a man looses something in this stack, everything that is below what he looses and inclusive of what he looses falls apart. That is why a man's life crumbles when he looses his significant other. Point being I think a man just loves more and he loves deeper wen it comes to romantic love, simply because he becomes focused on solving problems that would interfere with that love. In other words he becomes consumed or obsessed.
When the institution of marriage first came around, a man who would more than likely, be in his thirties or maybe in his forties would marry a girl who was in her teens. He would live as a rule about five to seven years after he was married and then the girl would be a widow. Well, hell I could live with the Texas Chainsaw Murderer for seven years. What I am getting to is this, we go into the institution of marriage with all the intentions of staying with this person for the rest of our lives. Shoot that may be another sixty or seventy years from the first time we get married. And there is no way that someone is going to stay in love and continue to like the same person for that amount of time. Not as society is today. We will just grow apart. Think about the fact that the woman will more than likely have to work as will the man and they will have their own lives for the biggest part of any given day. She will come to know the people that she works with as will the man and they wont have a lot in common over a given period of time. It amounts to the idea that their home will become a place for them to sleep and then get up and go back to the grind where they will spend the biggest part of their waking hours. It becomes pretty clear that there is little hope to build a life together this way. The gospel tells us that after a man and woman join in matrimony the village should provide for them and give them solitude for one year, so that they may get to know one another. The counterparts that we have to that in this culture is either the couple have a business together and work side by side daily, which I think is the best thing, or the woman will just go to work someplace and fall in love with someone that she works with. This thing with the women falling for their fellow employees is so common that eighty percent of the working women leave their families and husbands for a co-worker. It is about fifteen percent for the men. So, if you are a man that has a wife that works for someone else the chances are 4 to 1 that she is sleeping with someone at her workplace.
If you would like I will tell you the signs that a woman exhibits when she is cheating.
Both women and men are becoming more and more unfaithful as time goes on. Marriages last only a short time as a rule. The shame of it is, that people always seem to justify their promiscuity and somehow turn it around to be the other person's fault.
Of course the popular thought is that it is the man's fault. But never the less, independent studies show that women cheat more than men. I have to wonder what kinds of crap would be stirred up if all births required a D.N.A. test of the fathers?
I believe that women are far superior to men on every level, they are more intelligent. Women have far more brain activity and blood flow than a man at any given task.
In most cases today, a woman will go wherever she feels the most secure. I find it hard to blame them. People like to be where they are treated the best, and with the most creature comforts. It comes down to who ever has the most money or the best drugs as they say. times are such that people can't stay for love in the truly romantic sense any longer. That is a trait that more than likely comes from the survival of the fittest instinct and I suppose no one can be blamed for that. But, then again...... How many times have you heard women say, " Oh I'll always be there" and of course when life gets a little tough or the man in the relationship goes through some bad times the women bails out, like rats off a sinking ship. Leaving the man there literally with his dick in his hand. On extremely rare occasions a woman will stay with a man who is facing real challenges in his life, such as bankruptcy or the loss of a career or his health, including an addiction. God forbid he may have to face jail time. Even if she stayed, she, at some point will usually stray unfaithful. I also believe this may be the result(s) of a loss of respect on top of the threat to her own security.
With no respect there can be no love.
Now, before you get all knotted up about these comments think about the fact that 1, only 1 out of 150 marriages last past 5 years. And that 80% of the cheating is done by women. Nor does she take into consideration the damages she causes with her emotional decisions. Younger women omen have a hard time understanding cause and effect. A maturity issue. This is why most ancient cultures refuse to let women have very much in the way of governing powers, simply because they use emotions to make decisions and not logic.
Women do have a role as men do too. That role is clear and with a purpose, until we get back to the values and standards that enforce and support those roles we will continue to weaken as a monogamous society. And that will weaken us as humans as well.
So, if you are hoping to find true love, tell the truth, be up front and keep your word. Or shut the hell up. Don't try and change someone to what you want them to be, because you won't like them anymore. You fell in love with them the way they are. Please don't try and control the other, you'll never succeed and it just makes you and them miserable. Give each other space and time to reflect for themselves and allow them to come to you. Have faith that if a person is with you they probably want none other at that time. And that time is what is important, not yesterday or tomorrow. All we have is the now and that has to be enough.
Especially if your sharing those wonderful feelings of love.
Update 4/25/2010
(Los Angeles, Reuters, Winter 2002) - Women are more likely than men to have sex with an intern at work, according to a Playboy magazine poll that also found that two-thirds of female respondents had slept with a co-worker. Among male respondents, half had slept with co-workers, said Playboy, which polled more than 10,000 men and women in an online survey. Among the findings: Twenty percent of female respondents had slept with an intern; for men, the number was 12 percent. Forty-six percent of women who had had office sex had slept with their boss, compared with 18 percent among men. Playboy attributed the discrepancy to the fact there were more male bosses in the workplace. For women, the favorite place to have sex in the office was on a desk, while men preferred a couch or a chair. The least popular for both was the mailroom or copy room. The boss' office also ranked relatively low. More than 80 percent of men and women said they had flirted with co-workers.
